Hi! My name is Nandika, but I also go by Kat! Welcome to my “blog”. This will probably be more of a personal journal though, but you’re welcome to stay for the ride!
Now where should I start? I’m in my early twenties, and just like most people my age, I’m starting to find myself. I spent a large part of my life living for other people and doing what I was told. Early this year, I found myself hating myself and where I was emotionally. I hadn’t accomplished anything I felt was worth being proud of, and gave up a lot of the things that used to make me happy. I didn’t like my job, I had no confidence, no hobbies, and didn’t talk to anyone.
However, I’ve decided that I need to start living for myself, now more than ever. I’m at a period of my life where my decisions now will affect who I become in the future. It sounds like an easy decision, doesn’t it? But honestly, it was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I grew up a perfectionist who only aimed to please others. Deciding to put myself first seemed impossible. It felt selfish, but I still had to do it. So I started studying again, started creating things, and listening to music.
With the support of my friends and family, and a lovely therapist who helped me more than she could ever imagine, I started anew. I felt reborn. I could physically feel myself change and become someone I didn’t hate so much. It’s a hard journey, of course. Learning to forgive yourself for things that were out of your control is terrifying, and brings forth even more painful emotions and thoughts. As one of my favorite singers Cavetown says in his song 1994, “hating on a kid doesn’t serve me anymore”. Who we were in the past is not who we are now. Forgive others, but most importantly, forgive yourself.
Anyway, enough of that! As you can probably tell, I’m going to use this space to be vulnerable and share what I feel. I think everyone could use a platform to let loose and speak their minds! I’ll be documenting not only my personal journey through self-reflection, but also some of the things I do in my free time to help connect myself to the world. Feeling like you belong somewhere and enjoying where you are is so important! Spend time with yourself, learn about what the inner-child in you loves and yearns for, and work to make that child happy again.
Don’t rush. Live at your own pace. Find joy in what you do, and you’ll be okay.